I wouldn't change who I've become, not for all the money in the world, but some days I ache for what we could have become together.

What does it say about you
That you hide from me,
The one soul who truly understands you?
That you pout when,
In my haste to live fulfilled
You don't fit into my life?
What does it say about me
That I can move away
From the man I once loved?

Can you feel this?

With just a click here
And another click there
You'd be all but forgotten
I'd have to seek your words out
No longer surprised by them
No more random heartache
You've always said I should be happy
I know you'd agree with this measure
But do you even realize
I do this not for happiness
But rather to be less unhappy

And then there was that day when you told me that you loved me but you still said no when I asked you for the only thing I could never live without even though you knew what it would mean to me, for us, forever and somehow I still love you.

And I let it go to my head.

The way you looked at me
As though I was the only girl in the room
Worth noticing

The way you spoke to me
As though the Gods themselves spoke through you
The only truth that mattered

The feel of your fingers on my skin
As though you'd never touched before
And never would again

Alone

I drove down that road again last night,
right past the turn I know so well.
I stayed in the far opposite lane,
lest I forget and turn down it anyway.
I thought of all the days and nights spent down that bend,
the memories that collect around that part of town.

I thought of you, how you were just returning home.
Another week, another game,
another set of people you wish to see more.

I thought of what was waiting at home for me.
(A cold, dark apartment. Lonelier still with night upon it.)

I could have turned down that road,
forced myself into your life again.

But it didn't seem worth it last night.

I turned you down for the unwavering glow of my laptop,
the unflinching devotion of my cats,
and the security of knowing one thing:

I know who I'm waking up next to when I sleep alone.